Rosebuds Part 2: Top 10 Turn On’s & Turn Off’s –

The Rosebud post last week was hugely popular. Who knew that so many of you were interested in what to call men’s assholes (or arseholes)? I was overwhelmed by your comments – from “tunnel of love” to” man pussy.” I could not get over the variety of  suggestions you wanted to pass on to the authors. To close the loop, and not because I think the authors care what the readers think, (OK some of them do because they also came up with their own names), I’m listing the Top 10 Turn Off’s and Turn On’s, in no particular order –

Top 10 Turn Off’s (sorry, we have WAY more than 10)

Fluttering Rosebuds
Rectum or Anus (unless you’re a proctologist, according to Tam)
Chocolate pucker (scspaine suggested a remedial course in Wiping 101) 
Chute (Angelia Sparrow suggested the only way she’ll use chute is in this context  “We gonna have some rodeo sex. Get in the chute and try to hang on for eight seconds, boy.”) 
Shit Hole (Sorry, John)
Man/boy pussy (except in porn)
Man Cunt (see above)
Volcano Sheath
Starfish or Star fruit
Colon (Ally Blue put on her nurse hat to say “no” to that one) 🙂 Don’t authors know where the colon is? It’s not even in the vicinity of the “rosebud” 
Entrance to Heaven (Larissa swears that she saw this one)
Mantwat or Bitchhole
Marine Mancunt

Rosebud (Tracey thinks this gives new meaning to Citizen Kane
Wookiee Hole (Lee Rowan came up with some choice Han/Chewie slash)
Clenching Gates of Splendid Pleasure (a Steve Berman special) 

Phrases that could be a turn off –

“would you please thrust into my rectal cavity with a bit more force? there’s a dear.”
“the winking star of his anus”
 “pulsing star fruit of his anus”
“dumping thick cream into his secret cave.” 
Erastes claims she saw this one.

Top 10 Do’s or Turn On’s

“He lined up and pushed in.”
Hole, asshole, arsehole
Entrance, Opening, Passage, Back passage, channel,
(sort of like a kiss??) 
No word – why do we need a word?

Junkfoodmonkey made an excellent point  “The language shoud be appropriate to the point of view of the character and fit in with rest of the narration of that scene. If it’s not then it will be jarring whichever word is used.” I still say though that bunghole, chute, anus or rectum may not be appropriate in M/M romances, for different reasons. A couple of them are too clinical and others remind me of porn.

Historical M/M romances use different terms like “fundament” and I guess that works because “fluttering starfish” would not have been invented yet. 🙂 My preference would be for no noun since we all know where the cock is going and we don’t need a map to find the location – “it’s not as if there’s another option” as John R pointed out.  “Push in” works just as well I think.

Kendall’s comment was even more to the point

“authors, please don’t describe butt anatomy like pussy. I’m a bi guy and love female anatomy, not just male anatomy, but they. are. different. Related: they. WORK. differently! I roll my eyes when I read a description of anal intercourse that makes it sound like the author’s a woman and thinking of how vaginal intercourse works. …..some of the descriptions I read really do make me wonder if the author gets a little too caught up in the scene and forgets who the particpants are.”

To summarize: As I said in my earlier post, it shouldn’t be too difficult to describe the area where the cock goes like a heat seeking missile for ultimate pleasure, this place with a thousand nerve endings. We all know where it is. How you choose to describe it is obviously up to you authors. No one is trying to tell you how to write – we’re just suggesting some alternative word choices. Of course you can continue to use the same terms as in the past, but remember, some of these are either ridiculous (pulsing starfish or fluttering rosebud come to mind), others remind us of doing a N.o 2 (rectum, chute, spincter, anus) and the rest are only appropriate for porn.

Thanks for commenting everyone. This has been one of the more entertaining posts on this site, that’s for sure. 😀 Wren paid me the ultimate compliment “This was a fun post, Wave. Where else could you read about assholes and have people say, ‘I was just thinking about this last night…’ “?

In closing, I was reminded by K.Z. Snow and Leslie that  “opinions are like assholes, everyone has them”  which is so appropriate in this context, don’t you think?  To those authors who think we’re all full of it (you know what) please ignore this post and continue calling an arsehole (or asshole) whatever you want. It obviously works for you. 😀 

Till next time boys and girls.


I live in Canada and I love big dogs, music, movies, reading and sports – especially baseball

Diane NYC

Now that I know there is “Han/Chewie slash” out there, I can’t think of anything else (but I also can’t look). Thanks alot. 😛


Hello Diane
Why don’t you want to watch the “Han/Chewie” slash? 😀

I’m glad you enjoyed the post.


Spew alert next time, please! There’s soda all over my screen now. Oh my goodness. I can’t believe I missed the original discussion. The top 10s are too funny!!


Hey Lori
I’m sorry there was no warning. I assumed that most of the folks who were checking out this post knew what was coming since they had contributed to the original – after all the first word was “rosebuds”. 😀
I’m very happy you enjoyed the suggestions even though you messed up your monitor.

NL Gassert

Doing a FIND and REPLACE right now 🙂
Wren had it right, where else would I find a post like this? I love how everyone is always taking these topics so seriously, in a fun way.


Hi Nadja
Great to see you.
I did write this post to try and be helpful and I’m glad that someone is taking it as seriously as it deserves. 😀

>>Wren had it right, where else would I find a post like this? <<
I try to please in my humble way.

Amanda Young

OMG. I laughed so loud reading this that the dogs are looking at me funny now.


Hi Amanda
I had a lot of fun with this as well – both the original post and putting together the comments. This post generated many comments that had me rolling in the aisles. A lot of authors are probably pissed at me because I outed them. 😀


Fun recap Wave. I am still amazed about what some writers come up with


I’m hoping that this recap will at least let them know that readers don’t want a lot of fancy, flowery, or medical terminology in the books.

Ally Blue

I am totally stealing “clenching gates of splendid pleasure”. Just so you know.
Look for it O_O


>>I am totally stealing “clenching gates of splendid pleasure”<<
I can't wait. 😀

Wren Boudreau

I’m going to file this in my “writer’s hints” folder, so I can refer to it whenever I need help with a scene! Keep up the good work, Wave!


Hi Wren
Just trying to help! 😀

Val Kovalin

Ha, ha! Great follow-up, Wave. This is very funny but also useful. 🙂


The readers (and authors) are only trying to make suggestions. This was a fun post – one of my better ones, I think. 😀


“would you please thrust into my rectal cavity with a bit more force? there’s a dear.”
Woooohahaha…no, really? Who in all the world would SAY something like that? I know it’s fiction, but I think this one is too outlandish even for that.
ROFL…totally fun post



>>“would you please thrust into my rectal cavity with a bit more force? there’s a dear.” <<
I'ts amazing the stuff I read in books but even I thought this was too, too, outlandish.


Too funny!


We did have a lot of fun. 🙂


I read a new one (for me anyway) last week: clenching portal. I prefer the “push in” phrasing. Great post!


Hi Deanna

>>clenching portal<< 😀

I think the authors need to remember the KISS principle – Keep It Simple Stupid – which I try to live by, rather than dream up these exotic names for a body part that we all have.

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