Strange goings-on in M/M Romances

Adam covering his equipment to prevent an M/M author from thumping it

 

Have you ever wondered why so many strange things happen in M/M romances? I know that het has its share of funky stuff but M/M seems to spawn something new every week. Does this sub genre have its own language and customs? It would seem so. 

I complain often that our authors don’t show enough imagination in their plots and characterizations, but can there too much imagination at times? 

Over a year ago Stuart, a very astute gay man who had lived most of his life in New York, questioned some of the tropes and assumptions that authors made about gay men and their lifestyles.  We had a lot of fun with Stuart and his favourite tropes, including the very popular one about whether penises twitched when erect, linked here. 🙂 

Recently I came across a few of his issues that I never posted and since I’m all tapped out mentally for new ideas for this week’s rant commentary, I thought that today I would use some of his unpublished comments in addition to a few situations that I’ve encountered recently. 

Stuart was amazed at the amount of butt wiggling going on in M/M romances. He wondered how this could be normal behaviour for a gay man (maybe he was out of the butt wiggling loop.) :)It seemed that the  ‘cock twitch,’ real or imagined in M/M romances, could often be set off by one character wiggling his butt at another. This was supposed to be especially amusing when said wiggling occured in a public place, triggering one of those massive, uncontrollable erections in the other protagonist. Stuart said and I quote: “I have never wiggled my butt in sexual provocation, I have never had a butt wiggled at me in sexual provocation, I have never seen a butt wiggled in sexual provocation. An exception would be on the dance floor. There is far too much bizarre butt wiggling going on in M/M romances.”

What’s your view of butt wiggling in M/M romances? 🙂
 

Here’s another one from Stuart. Is the pronoun “I” in danger of disappearing from our M/M vocabulary? When things get hot and heavy this seems to happen a lot. Why in M/M fiction do the protagonists stop using the pronoun “I”  when they are in a state of extreme sexual arousal. Suddenly the characters are saying: “Want you.” “Need you.” “Need you to fuck me.”  “Want you inside me.” Stuart claims never to have noticed an inability to use pronouns in bed, assuming he’s able to speak and is not moaning, ululating or making some kind of noise he would be embarrassed for anyone but his partner to hear.
 

 
Do you find the sudden inability of M/M protagonists to use the pronoun “I” a particularly irritating trope in M/M romances? 

Overused words and phrases:
a. The protagonist is “fucked into/through the mattress.”
b. The protagonist  “melts”
c. The protagonist “huffs” out a word or phrase.
d. The protagonist “smirks” or “winks” when successfully teasing or being teased.
e. the protagonist “snorts.” I thought only animals (pigs do this a lot) snorted, except for someone with a cocaine habit. 🙁 

M/M romances seem to have the highest incidence of using the words “smirk”  “huff” and “snort” in all themes. I find it an irritant, don’t you?

 
So much snorting going on. Have gay men gone back to the days of cave men or prehistoric beasts, or are they just porkers?
Why do they snort, smirk and wink so much in M/M romances?

 
Here’s something else I have been noticing a lot.  When one of the protagonists has an erection at an inappropriate time he thumps his cock to deflate it. Have any of you or your men tried thumping to deflate an erection? I’m told that it’s very painful and none of the men I know do it, so why is it so prevalent in M/M romances? Can the guys not think of something really gross to deflate their erections? (e.g. A picture of their 80 year old math teacher doing the nasty might work)  😉   What’s the fixation with thumping?


 
Guys, what do you think of thumping to get rid of an erection? Have you ever tried it? Send me pictures of the injured part in bandages or splints. LOL  – Kidding! (OK you can send the pictures to my sekkrit email address if you really want to) 😉
 

What about you? Are there some M/M tropes you find just as annoying? Or maybe you have some you’d like to mention that are really funny. 

BTW I’m told all the time by authors that while the stories are fantasies the characterizations are realistic. 

Enquiring minds – Stuart’s and mine – even though he seems to have gone underground, would like a few answers if you have the time or inclination. Please don’t beat me up. This is a fun post, although the thumping could land a guy in hospital with broken equipment.  🙁

Author

I live in Canada and I love big dogs, music, movies, reading and sports – especially baseball

77 comments

  • TJ, some of us wear protection all month long because if we don’t every time ANYONE walks by we end up soaked to the knees. OK, TMI. But I am guilty of writing (and causing) the Insta-Boner, from simple kissing or cuddling.

    My guys only butt-wiggle when they’re being silly or when they’re settling in comfortably at night. When you spoon up, you wiggle just a little to get everything settled. Or is that just me?

    WAY too much cock-thumping. Good way to cause a penile fracture…

    I don’t mind the pronoun lack so much. Most people I know talk that way. Then again, half the people I know speak LolCat.

    Whimpering? when appropriate. When the poor guy has been ringed for five hours and tormented and is in actual pain but too stoned to bellow with rage.

    I still like melt. Because that’s a how a really good kiss makes me feel. Like every bone in my body is turning to pudding and my knees are water and I’m just going to have to be mopped up off the floor until I can pull myself together. Why would I want to deprive my guys of those kisses?

    Snorting and smirking I don’t notice too much. Winking strikes me as outdated, so that gets mentally flagged.

    Reply
  • Funny stuff Wave. For me, a big part of the problem is the repetition of the same tropes, snorting, winking, cutesy pet names, etc., that makes them all get on my nerves. I suppose if I read less m/m, it wouldn’t be so obvious.
    But although I love a good fantasy story, and can suspend disbelief with the best of ‘em – as a man, I have trouble with some things that just wouldn’t happen.

    Take getting an instant full-on hard on from a look, or thumping to get rid of an erection. If we were talking about m/f and you read a story where the girl got instantly turned on by just a look from the hot guy, so much so that her, shall we say juices flowed down her legs, wouldn’t you raise an eyebrow? I know it would pull me right out of the story.

    Or maybe to eliminate that inconvenient wetness, she rushes into the ladies room to straddle the hand dryer. Hmm, perhaps that would happen. I hear sitting on the washing machine can be quite the thrill! I need to go write this all down immediately! Watch for my new m/f book coming soon. 😉

    Reply
    • Hi TJ

      For me, a big part of the problem is the repetition of the same tropes, snorting, winking, cutesy pet names, etc., that makes them all get on my nerves.

      Some authors can write a wonderful romance without all of these boring, repetitious tropes and their books are a pleasure to read. Others – not so much! 🙁

      as a man, I have trouble with some things that just wouldn’t happen.

      In contemporary M/M romances I’m told by the authors that the characterizations are realistic even though the stories are fantasies, but it’s hard for me to find realistic portrayals of gay men in many of these books. You can only suspend disbelief so far unless you’re reading paranormal, sci fi or fantasy books.

      I have pictures in my head of women rushing off to the washroom to use hand dryers on their crotches. That’s so bad of you TJ. LOL I have an idea – maybe we can use hand dryers for the wet spot in the bed too. 🙂 Great suggestion.

      Reply
  • Okay, it’s been a long week, so I’m extraordinarily pleased to see a rant/rave/wave post. Put on your seatbelts, kiddies….

    “Snort.” Good lord. I just finished a book I won’t embarrass by naming that included the word “snorted” 15 times and “snort” twice (in 150 pages). I started to fear for the nasal passages of the protagonists! I’m not kidding. The first four or five times I could overlook it; after that, it was worse than a trip to the dentist.

    “His lover.” This phrase has got to be near the top of the list of Phrases That Piss Off Buda. Just because he’s recently put his Tab A into your Slot B does not make him your damn lover. It makes him a trick. Until there is some, ya know, love involved, the word is worthless. And annoying as …*Tab-A-into-Slot-B*! Yeah. You made me say it! 😉

    “Whimper.” My dog whimpers when she’s bored or in trouble. If my man whimpered, the next bone I tossed him sure as heck wouldn’t be mine. K? K. Think manly. Would Jake Riordan whimper? *snorts* I think not!

    “Wiggled his butt.” Sorry, but this is such a twinky thing to do. If your character is over 23 and has the least bit of butchness about him, he should only doing it to be amusing, not to try to turn someone on. Unless his counterpart (dare I say, “his lover”) is into nelly twinks, in which case, wiggle away.

    “Melt.” Yeah, I’m so not a snowman. Nor am I Scarlett damn O’Hara before she got a backbone and learned to grow carrots. (It was carrots, right? It’s been a while.) Stop making your men melt! This is not 1940s cinema! If your guys kiss with tongue, melting is prohibited. *whew!*

    “Cock thumping.” Not to be confused with Tub Thumping, because not unlike Chumbawamba, that is just not cool. As a person with one of those things, thumping it to make it deflate is so not on my agenda. I’m afraid if it thump it, it’ll never twitch again! And that, my friends, is a truly frightening thought!

    “Instantaneous erections.” See, here’s the thing. Once in a while when I’m at work, a fine, fine man will come in and I will notice him with more than just my eyes. But it’s usually more of a stir, or even a slight thickening, but since I’m a few years beyond 18 (sob!), I’m able to keep control of my faculties enough to stop that in its tracks. Besides, if I didn’t, according to these authors, I’d have to thump it! No. Just…no! *winces at the thought*

    Okay, now that I’ve taken up most of the ink in cyberspace, I’ll close this response and save my biggest pet peeves for…perhaps…a post of my own one day? Hmm….

    *bwahahahahaha* (Sorry, it’s to soon after Halloween to let that opportunity pass!)

    Reply
    • Buda

      Put on your seatbelts, kiddies….

      WOW compared to you I’m the fairy queen ( do they come in chocolate?) 😉

      “Snort.” Good lord. I just finished a book I won’t embarrass by naming that included the word “snorted” 15 times and “snort” twice (in 150 pages). I started to fear for the nasal passages of the protagonists!

      Well some of the posters said that they love a good snort so maybe you should send them the name of the boook(s) if they request it. LOL I read a few with mucho snorts recently and I even rated a couple of them highly because the writing was good but I swear if I encounter more than a few snorts from now on it’s game on. 🙂

      “His lover.” This phrase has got to be near the top of the list of Phrases That Piss Off Buda. Just because he’s recently put his Tab A into your Slot B does not make him your damn lover. It makes him a trick.

      Well, calling him a trick is a bit harsh. Maybe you could come up with a kinder, gentler name that doesn’t indicate that he’s doing this for cash. 😉

      “Whimper.” My dog whimpers when she’s bored or in trouble. If my man whimpered, the next bone I tossed him sure as heck wouldn’t be mine.

      Ouch! That’s cold! For the record, my dog growled and woofed – he was too big to whimper. Dobe’s are very manly dogs. LOL

      Once in a while when I’m at work, a fine, fine man will come in and I will notice him with more than just my eyes. But it’s usually more of a stir, or even a slight thickening,

      That’s it??? I thought you were a big hunk of manly man and that your chromosomes or whatever were always in overdrive. What about all those pictures you sent me? Were they a lie? LOL (Okay you didn’t really send me YOUR pictures but you SAID they were) 🙂

      I’m able to keep control of my faculties enough to stop that in its tracks. Besides, if I didn’t, according to these authors, I’d have to thump it! No. Just…no! *winces at the thought*

      If you did have to do a thump or two and happened to hurt yourself, Ally is a very senior nurse and she would know what to do. I always email her when I have questions about illness and recovery times in books b/c authors seem to forget that their protags are supposed to be human. 🙂

      Thanks Buda — you made me look like a kind and gentle person, which is not really hard to do. 🙂

      Reply
  • Thanks for the laughs Wave! This was hysterical!! Just what the doctor ordered for me. : )

    I will cop to having snorted, usually only as a result from laughing too hard or when allergies attack. It is rare…but it does happen. Of course, at this moment I’m making piggy noises on purpose because it’s making me giggle. See what you started! ; )

    I have never heard of Cock Thumping, but I’m recommending a call to action to put a stop to this very heinous practice!! What the hell is wrong with these boys? You should be kind to your penis!! Talk sweetly to it, a gentle caress every now and again wouldn’t hurt…or shouldn’t. I get upset if a guy gets a little too toothy…let alone smacking my cock around like a bastard step-child…sheesh almighty! It’s sick, SICK, I say! : )

    I write a lot of first person, so I am one with the ‘I’. On top of that, I suffer from a severe case of me-itis, so I’m usually all about the ‘I’. : )

    Butt wiggling I actually have seen some of within our fiction. I was actually excited when I read it cause I felt like belonged…I was part of the cool clique who was like way over all the butt wiggling, dude!! (Y’all may find that odd, but I read nowhere near most of you, sadly. So it was way cool to be on the in.) In truth I’ve only seen it once or twice in books and it never registered as being odd, but to be fair I did sling cocktails in a gay bar for a very long time, so I may be a little more difficult to impress considering I’ve likely seen everything at one point or another.

    While I can say I have never butt-wiggled outside the confines of a good beat…I might have possibly leaned or bent over a time or two with purpose. And I’ve likely stood in a way with which to display my butt in what I hoped was an enticing manner…but in a VERY butch way, damn it!! LOL! Of course I may just go give it shot. Perhaps I’ll pop out to the mall tomorrow and wiggle my ass at random hotties when they walk by…see what happens, LOL. I’m totally laughing tears at this moment as I picture myself doing just that. I’d likely get arrested for unlawful ass-play or some such nonsense – damn Bible-belt. People have no sense of humor. ; )

    Just wanted to say thanks for making me laugh out loud right before bed — always a really great way to end the day. : )

    Reply
    • Hi Ethan

      Of course, at this moment I’m making piggy noises on purpose because it’s making me giggle. See what you started! ; )

      Are you saying that you were not a pig before and I turned you into one? LOL I would much rather turn you into fairy dust. 🙂

      I have never heard of Cock Thumping, but I’m recommending a call to action to put a stop to this very heinous practice!! ….. I get upset if a guy gets a little too toothy…let alone smacking my cock around like a bastard step-child…sheesh almighty! It’s sick, SICK, I say! : )

      Do I want to know about “guys getting a little too toothy”? Are there teeth marks? I’m collecting photos of penises in danger – just saying. 🙂 If you want to share, Wave’s photo collection is missing samples of different injuries 😉

      While I can say I have never butt-wiggled outside the confines of a good beat…I might have possibly leaned or bent over a time or two with purpose. And I’ve likely stood in a way with which to display my butt in what I hoped was an enticing manner…but in a VERY butch way, damn it!! LOL! Of course I may just go give it shot.

      I really hate it when I give you ideas Ethan because you tend to like to put them into practice and I don’t want anyone to THINK you’re serious about this butt wiggling, after all you’re VERY butch.

      You should have to pay for these fun times – I can’t afford to give them away for free. 😉 Maybe a free ebook would help.

      Reply
      • Wave- great post I’m still laughing 🙂 I usually just “haunt” this site, but could not resist commenting on this… As for the research project- great idea, now if we could get some volunteers! when I started this post I almost”snorted my Diet Pepsi”; not a good thing …so, maybe I’m just out of the “loop” but, what heck is tub thumping, that Buda mentioned… “Cock thumping.” Not to be confused with Tub Thumping, because not unlike Chumbawamba, that is just not cool.lol. ??? Anyone?? When I think about “cock thumping” and No I don’t have one, makes me think of what one of my old nursing instructors told me…maybe TMI- if so sorry. She told me first time I had to place male catheter “he might get excited when you put this in, but you can just thump that thing, so you can get the catheter in!” hehe lol every time I see that particular phrase makes me think of her. Good thing none of the male patients have known about that…. might scare them..of course that should “deflate the problem” sick since of humor…right. Thanks for the great laugh.. Sorry to hear about your friend that’s always hard.

        Reply

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