Burning “Gay” Questions

I haven’t posed a question on the blog for a while because I wanted to give everyone time to recover from our last series of questions. You have always responded to my polls and a lot of you admit that you love them (you know who you are — I won’t out you) and I hope you will this time. Today I have four burning “gay” questions that I hope you will answer, not just for me but all the other readers of M/M romances as well as the authors who have written me on these topics. The questions are embarrassing and the answers might be even more so, but since the blog is about gay men, M/M romances and erotica, certain trends are apparent or emerging in all these books so I wonder ……?

Question: Why 1, 2 and then 3 fingers? (you know what I mean). Is there any criteria for this other than the obvious? Almost every M/M erotic romance has one protag (the top) probing the “entrance” of his lover (trying to use euphemisms here) using first 1, 2 and finally 3 fingers, then declares him ready for some fun under or on top of the sheets. *g* One M/M writer mentioned this in an email a few months ago so of course I stored it away for an occasion such as this one. Here’s her quote “I do have to laugh as well because there are phrases I see in stories that to me are “tired” and becoming annoying for me. For example: one finger in, then two, then three. Heck, stick the whole fist up there, why don’t ya?” Of course we all know that there is something called “fisting” but we’re not going there today, I hope. *g* Does anyone really know the answer to this question? If you do, please comment on the blog.

Question: Gaydar – does it exist? How does a gay man know if someone he’s interested in (who is not out) is gay or not? I read a lot of “gay for you” stories because some female readers love these stories and I review them, and the guys in these stories are either “straight”, bi-curious or deny that they are gay. In the real world, how does a guy know if he can approach another man without fear that he could get a fist in his face? I asked a few gay men this question and their response was that sometimes it has to do with a certain “look” or a stare held a little longer than a straight man would hold it, but the responses were very vague. Guys, if a guy is not out, is there any way to know for sure if the obvious signs aren’t there? How do you know?

Question: Rimming. Yes I’m going there. This is a very delicate topic but more and more it’s a way of giving pleasure in M/M erotic romances, and judging from the reactions of the guys in the books it’s the ultimate “delicacy” both before and after sex, it seems. I just read and reviewed this week two M/M romances that delivered a lot of “heat” because of rimming. The recipient of this hitherto unexplored sexual practice in books a few years ago, which is now standard fare, really gets off on it but what about the giver – is it as pleasurable as it seems? They do say it’s better to give than to receive but is that the case here? I won’t ask all the other questions I would like to about rimming, but I’m sure you know where I would like to go with this (but won’t). *g*

Question: Taste Test. In some of the books I read, the taste of pre-come and come (or cum) is either salty or sweet or any number of flavours in between. I even read an M/M book where the author said that the character’s cum tasted like raspberries (I won’t say who was the author of that book)! My question is, does the taste relate to the foods ingested immediately before sex or body chemistry? For those women who don’t swallow, what does cum really taste like? What about texture? There are so many descriptions of this fluid that I could probably write a book about it. Also, do guys in real life rub themselves in it as portrayed in M/M romances and gay erotica, and if they go to bed like that, do they wake up stuck together?

I know that you have a lot more important “stuff” to think about at this time with all the problems around us but this is exactly the reason I thought I would pose these questions now because we all need to have some fun in our lives – no, not poke fun, just HAVE FUN. As usual, I mean no disrespect by these questions. If this blog reviewed only het books I would ask similar questions about women, but it is almost 100% about gay men, their portrayal in M/M romances and gay erotica, what they would like to see more (or less) of in these books, as well as female readers of these books and what they like (or not) about the books. So please be respectful in your comments.

There are lots of gay followers of this blog and “regulars” and I would really appreciate it if you and all the other gay men out there who check it out on a regular basis, or just occasionally, could respond to these questions. You don’t have to comment on all of them, just the ones you are knowledgeable about, heh! Thanks guys, you have never let me down. If you prefer to respond by email, my email address is jessewave@gmail.com.

I would also appreciate comments from authors – gay and straight – because some of you have written me about this, tongue in cheek. *g*

Looking forward to your comments with great anticipation.


I live in Canada and I love big dogs, music, movies, reading and sports – especially baseball


  • Everything has been covered, so I’ll just chime on on the 1-2-3 issue. Three is a “magical” number in the Western storytelling tradition. 3 little pigs, 3 princesses, something happening on the 3rd night. A Chinese or Native American storyteller would not be compelled to describe the 3 fingers. I think it’s the Disney version of happy gay sex, instead of a guy stretching a hole with 2 fingers for a long time while being patient and encouraging 😉 😀

  • Hi Guys

    I just received the enclosed comment by email on this post from a male reader, which I'm happy to add to the debate.:)

    Here's my "expert" opinion from your gay questions blog.

    1.The fingers thing. Three seems like overkill lol. A little fingering is
    normal but not an absolute with an experienced partner. It can be skipped
    2.Gaydar is hard to explain, you just get a feel for someone. You can't
    always tell, but sometimes you can. Something in the eyes is what I
    ususally catch. BTW I really hate the whole just gay for you thing, it
    doesn't work that way, not with men anyways. Women will do that though,
    such as Anne Heche.
    3.Rimming. I will be the giver with the right guy. It can be pleasurable
    just as anything you're doing orally with a partner can give the giver
    4. Cum is salty, bitter and kind of thick. Guys normally clean up with a
    towel. If you don't wipe up you will wake up sticky.
    Hope this helps. Feel free to ask more questions if you think of any, glad
    to help!


  • The following comment was sent to me by email a couple of days ago. I’m adding this information to the exhaustive research on this topic since my correspondent seems to know of what she/he speaks. 🙂

    Rimming tastes a little like peanut butter sometimes, and a little more like hazelnut butter other times.

    Garlic comes through in the semen within half an hour. So does asparagus, which is worse. A vegetarian meal without garlic makes for a milder taste. Generally, though, cum tastes bitter as all fuck. Because saying so “isn’t romantic” you have to say something else. I have used “strong” and “strongly salty” but never “sweet.” People who say “sweet” either have spent more time looking at the chemical breakdown than actually experiencing the taste, or they’re speaking metaphorically. Or, to quote the man in black, they’re selling something.

    A two-finger massage is adequate prep for most dicks. Prepping with three fingers indicates the dick in question is of magnum size. Or it could indicate the fingerer doesn’t really know what he’s doing–thinks it amounts to “stretching.” But let’s be kind and assume it means the cock is dreamworthy.

    Please feel free to use the info, but not linked to my name. I’d like to leave a little question as to the depth of my research.

  • “I was just trying to defend you – I misread your comment b/c no one ever agrees with BB.”
    I’m so misunderstood!

    Nice Friday selection, by the way. I happened to glance at it.

  • Lynn & Ally
    I'm deeply shocked at both of you – now you're exchanging fisting stories??? I thought I said I was hoping we wouldn't go there.*g* Now it looks like fisting might be featured prominently in my next poll with a couple of other topics I'm thinking about….. Don't worry, the next poll won't be for a couple of months. After this one we're all probably suffering from that deadly sin, TMI 🙂 Right now I'm gathering information for my next poll by doing "research."

    Et tu Brutus??? LOTR???? Have I been living under a bush? OK, don't answer that or I'll have to come over and smack you.

  • LOLZ @ the HP slash. Actually, it was the older Malfoy I wanted. I has a thing for sexy mens with long white hair…Lucius, Nuada…and lets not get into the LOTR Lorien boys *dies from teh sexxey overload*


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