What I Wanna Be When I Grow Up

Tam, our roving correspondent on the site has delivered another gem. This time she talks about what she really wants to be when she grows up. I have no idea why she’s so fascinated with these animals but she’ll tell you about her dream and perhaps hope that you can help her achieve it.:) tam grow up 1 Do you know any mad scientists?
 
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No, I don’t want to be a famous m/m romance author, although that would be cool I suppose. I don’t want to be an Oscar winning actress. I don’t want to be a fireman or teacher or slutty dancer in an all girl band. I want to be a shifter! Not just any shifter, but a leopard shifter, with kangaroo a close second.
 
That’s right; I want to grow up to be a shifter. Why you ask? Well, unlike romance authors, actresses and fire fighters, I’d be pretty unique.tam leopard Seriously, can you name one leopard shifter you know personally? Hmmm? There you go, I’d be special. Before I go into the details of why a leopard and not one of the myriad other big (or small) cats and why not wolves – which seem more popular in literature – my first challenge would be to actually figure out how to become a shifter. I’m pretty sure there are no classes offered on this at my local community college. I’m not sure the whole biting thing (à la werewolves) works for cat shifters and cat bites are just nasty. I don’t think I have the right genetics. I grew up 480 km (300 miles) north of the geographic center of North America and I never once saw any leopards around tam mad scientistthere so I doubt I have leopard shifting relatives. I’m thinking my best bet may be to find a mad scientist at one of the local universities who can do some genetic splicing for me. I’ll have to make some calls.
 
What is the appeal of a leopard you ask? Besides looking damn sleek and attractive, a leopard is seven times stronger than a human. That could be handy. You never know when you are going to need to elbow someone aside to get that last ticket for Cirque du Soleil *mmmm, super bendy boys* or to fight your way off of a burning subway train. Leopards are solitary secretive creatures and this plays well with my introvert nature. They can purr. Would that not be cool? Leopards are carnivores and I love me some meat. (Get your mind out of the gutter!)  A nice pork chop, a grilled steak, some roasted chicken. Ahhhhh. I could climb trees and I could walk a tight rope thanks to my super balancing tail. Hell, I could join Cirque du Soleil. *mmmm, being up close and personal with super bendy boys* Ahem.
 tam cirque
Why not a tiger? Everyone loves tigers, it’s always the answer to “your favourite animal” in Facebook quizzes. Meh, tigers are old hat. Everyone knows tigers, likes tigers, there are movies about tigers. They are boring and overdone. The only thing more overdone than tigers? Lions. Thanks for that Disney. Why not a house cat? Really? Sure they live an easy life but its not exactly a thrill-a-minute existence and the size prohibits me taking out people who annoy me.

Jaguar? Okay, that has potential but it’s a bit small as well. Snow leopard? Umm, snow? They live in the cold, they like the cold. I don’t think even a mad scientist could manipulate my genes enough to make that one a reality. Cheetah? They have small heads and freakishly long legs, its not that attractive. And while it can purr, it can’t roar and roaring is nearly as cool as purring. So no, Cheetah is out. I hate running anyway. So that really only leaves leopard as the logical choice for me.
 
But … but … but you say, what about wolves? Everyone loves wolf shifters. Look at the popularity of J.L. Langley’s With/Without series. Yeah, okay, I love it too, but if you think tigers and lions are overdone, wolves are way beyond. Good wolf shifters, bad wolf shifters, even Harry Potter had a werewolf for heaven’s sake. And wolves are pack animals. Having to live with a whole bunch of people day in and day out. *shudder* I’d be claiming lone wolf status in no time flat. And the politics. Sheesh. Who’s the alpha, who’s the beta, who’s the omega, who’s the delta (I made that up but I love the Greek alphabet)? I work in government, I get tons of politics on a daily basis, I’m not going to add to the headache. Also canines in general are hyper, noisy, drool, chase cars and can be domesticated. Have you ever seen a truly domesticated cat? They may give the impression of domestication, but at night they lay there thinking of ways to slit your throat with a flick of their pinky claw.tam leopard 3
 
So there is my reasoning for becoming a leopard shifter when (if?) I grow up. If I can get hooked up with that mad scientist and it works I’d be happy to forward his name to you. What shifter genes would YOU like to have?

Author

I live in Canada and I love big dogs, music, movies, reading and sports – especially baseball

11 comments

  • Seawater will solve the weight issues you have being a whale.
    You are aware that there is a series being written about were leopards?

    Anyway it makes an interesting choice.

    Reply
  • LOL, Tam, although I can’t believe that you didn’t choose being a were-kanga first. I mean, hello, built in handbag. What woman wouldn’t want one of those. 😉

    Reply
  • Great post Tam! I think I’d want to go with a bird for the ability to fly, though, not having hands in that form might be problematic. Do we get a transition from half man/half bird with the best of both? That could be cool.

    Reply
  • Fun post, Tam! I think I’d probably want to be some big swimming thing like a shark or a whale because the ocean is a weird, fascinating place. There are numerous stories about shape-shifting seals (selkies), but not many shark or whale shifters so at least I’d be unique!

    Reply
    • I don’t think I could be a whale, I have weight issues already. LOL Although a killer whale would be cool. Maybe a dolphin. Isn’t there an m/m about a guy who’s an octopus? Seems to me I read a blurb about that and his Dad is really mean and beats him. Treasure hunters maybe?

      Reply
  • Tam, this post made me LOL. Hmm, if I had shifting genes, I think I’d like to be a tropical bird– maybe a parrot or something. I’d get to fly, which would be wicked cool. I’d get to live somewhere beautiful and lush. I could hang out with hot pirates. I’d even be able to talk to everybody in my shifted form. Plus, I’d be all colorful and pretty. 😛

    Reply

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