Tam did a bang up job as usual and came up with our 3rd Ugly Covers Competition champion!
And the Winner is ….
Well, it was sort of close this time. As much as many of you were freaked out by the “cowgirl”, Satan Burger pulled ahead with 19 votes to 12.
The last time I did this, I looked up a synopsis of the top books to see if the covers did indeed reflect the story in some way, even if we thought it was poorly done. In general I found that they did and that there was some significance to the covers and in the grand scheme of things they made sense. So off I went on my research quest.
I looked up Satan Burger on Amazon and it seems to be part of a new genre of writing called Bizarro, which I interpret to mean “random bullshit”. But I could be wrong. I couldn’t seem to make a connection between the cover and the plot at first. The blurb claims that many mainstream bookstores refuse to carry this work (ya think?) and the author is touted to be the David Lynch of the literary world. Based on the synopsis, God refuses to let humans into heaven but is feeding souls into a giant hungry
vagina (Ah ha, it’s all clear to me now. The vagina – which I have discreetly covered with a lovely pair of polka dot boxers so we aren’t forced to face that image for all eternity on the site – is eating human souls off a plate. Got it.) and sending down new beings who are more violent, sexually active and generally bigger jerks than humans are now, to destroy our world. Ooookay. Anyway, I suppose the eating vagina now makes sense, sort of. In general this book received fairly good reviews on Amazon, so if you are interested in checking out a new “genre” by an author who is in a band called “Popes That Are Porn Stars” in Portland, OR you can perhaps use Sharpies to draw undies on the soul-eating vagina and make it more palatable.
The lovely runner-up, Encounters Cowgirl is a story of a young man who goes off to his Grandparents’ farm the summer before leaving for university and discovers a magical world in the forest and meets a “special” young lady whom he rescues. I’m assuming she’s a cow shifter although it doesn’t say that. “A coming of age adventure in a magical place.” To be honest it sounds like a sweet little m/f shifter romance, but that cover? Ugh. It certainly doesn’t reflect the blurb at all. It has average ratings at ebookwise so seems to be an okay story despite the mind-boggling cover.
There was a three-way tie for third place. The poor little virgin kitten on the cover of Virgin Heat, the puppies on Man’s Best Friend (are you guys animal haters?) and the “badger in my crotch” boys of The Price of Temptation.
You’ll all be happy to note that Mr. Shames has a different cover on the latest version of Virgin Heat which you can see here. . It’s a comedy of a virginal mob princess in love with the stool pigeon who betrayed her father. Neither cover really conveys that, but the kitten in a ring of fire? Seriously, that’s just twisted. In Man’s Best Friend, an injured dog brings together a vet and the owner. It’s an m/m romance about getting over the issues of your past and finding love. Sounds cute, too bad the dogs look demonic. I won’t say much about The Price of Temptation as I know Jenre is writing a review of the book so I left it to her to reveal the truth behind that bulge.
I think fewer books this time got votes, probably because everyone was uniformly shocked and apalled by the winner. Sex with an alien or flaming genitals just don’t
really carry much shock value after a snacking vagina. Thanks for voting everyone. Until next time.
Even though Tam covered up the winner with polka dot boxers I thought you should get the full effect one more time before we close the books on our third competition. So here’s our winner in all its glory, the original Satan Burger.