3rd Ugly Covers Competition – WINNER

Tam did a bang up job as usual and came up with our 3rd Ugly Covers Competition champion!

And the Winner is ….
Well, it was sort of close this time. As much as many of you were freaked out by the “cowgirl”, Satan Burger pulled ahead with 19 votes to 12.
The last time I did this, I looked up a synopsis of the top books to see if the covers did indeed reflect the story in some way, even if we thought it was poorly done. In general I found that they did and that there was some significance to the covers and in the grand scheme of things they made sense. So off I went on my research quest.
I looked up Satan Burger on Amazon and it seems to be part of a new genre of writing called Bizarro, which I interpret to mean “random bullshit”. But I could be wrong. I couldn’t seem to make a connection between the cover and the plot at first. The blurb claims that many mainstream bookstores refuse to carry this work (ya think?) and the author is touted to be the David Lynch of the literary world. Based on the synopsis, God refuses to let humans into heaven but is feeding souls into a giant hungry

with polka dot boxers

with polka dot boxers

vagina (Ah ha, it’s all clear to me now. The vagina – which I have discreetly covered with a lovely pair of polka dot boxers so we aren’t forced to face that image for all eternity on the site – is eating  human souls off a plate. Got it.) and sending down new beings who are more violent, sexually active and generally bigger jerks than humans are now, to destroy our world. Ooookay. Anyway, I suppose the eating vagina now makes sense, sort of.  In general this book received fairly good reviews on Amazon, so if you are interested in checking out a new “genre” by an author who is in a band called  “Popes That Are Porn Stars” in Portland, OR you can perhaps use Sharpies to draw undies on the soul-eating vagina and make it more palatable.
The lovely runner-up, Encounters Cowgirl is a story of a young man who goes off to his Grandparents’ farm the summer before leaving for university and discovers a magical world in the forest and meets a “special” young lady whom he rescues. I’m assuming she’s a cow shifter although it doesn’t say that. “A coming of age adventure in a magical place.” To be honest it sounds like a sweet little m/f shifter romance, but that cover? Ugh. It certainly doesn’t reflect the blurb at all. It has average ratings at ebookwise so seems to be an okay story despite the mind-boggling cover.
There was a three-way tie for third place. The poor little virgin kitten on the cover of Virgin Heat, the puppies on Man’s Best Friend (are you guys animal haters?) and the “badger in my crotch” boys of The Price of Temptation.
You’ll all be happy to note that Mr. Shames has a different cover on the latest version of Virgin Heat which you can see here. . It’s a comedy of a virginal mob princess in love with the stool pigeon who betrayed her father. Neither cover really conveys that, but the kitten in a ring of fire? Seriously, that’s just twisted. In Man’s Best Friend, an injured dog brings together a vet and the owner. It’s an m/m romance about getting over the issues of your past and finding love. Sounds cute, too bad the dogs look demonic. I won’t say much about The Price of Temptation as I know Jenre is writing a review of the book so I left it to her to reveal the truth behind that bulge.
I think fewer books this time got votes, probably because everyone was uniformly shocked and apalled by the winner. Sex with an alien or flaming genitals just don’t

the original, and still champion

the original, and still champion

 really carry much shock value after a snacking vagina. Thanks for voting everyone. Until next time.

Even though Tam covered up the winner with polka dot boxers I thought you should get the full effect one more time before we close the books on our third competition. So here’s our winner in all its glory, the original Satan Burger.


I live in Canada and I love big dogs, music, movies, reading and sports – especially baseball


  • I’m doing a post on cover art – a legit one this time*g* – asking readers and authors for their opinions on book covers. Do they help or hinder sales? Last time I did a mini poll on covers, the majority who voted said that covers either strongly influenced or moderately influenced their book purchases.

    Some of the people who voted here in this poll said that the cover of The Price of Temptation a good book according to reviews, strongly influenced whether they purchased the book – too risque for M/M???

      • I agree. Not sure risque is the word. Mind you, from a distance if you are reading the book your hand would cover most of the controversial parts. I read Jame Lear’s Secret Tunnel on the bus. Yes, it’s got a naked guy on the cover but I checked and when I was holding it my hand covered most of him and when the book is “open” on your lap no one can see the cover, otherwise it was in my bag.
        For me TPoT cover seems very cheesy and kind of juvenile. It doesn’t project an image that I find appealing which does not reflect the content. Maybe it also looks like something from the 70’s which is kind of a turn-off.

        • Tam
          Maybe I should arrange to meet the cover model for The Price of Temptation and take my tape measure along, purely for scientific purposes of course .:)

    • I agree, but artists whose work is pointlessly weird and disturbing are often compared to David Lynch, in an attempt to give them credibility.

    • I did notice on Good Reads Listopia there is a list of the “worst names ever” and the Satan Burger author had about 5 on the list. So I think his goal in life is to simply stir up the masses by being as outrageous as possible. Comparing him to David Lynch is probably an insult to Mr. Lynch.


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