Do Readers Want More Frottage in M/M?

Frottage: According to the Urban Dictionary, frottage is defined as:

“to rub your clothed body against another person for sexual pleasure”  OR
Frot: “Used in the gay community as a term for an activity involving sexual gratification by rubbing that occurs between two men who do not wish, usually out of preference, to engage in anal intercourse.
This growing movement of men into frot who disown anal sex is not simply a matter of sexual taste. It goes farther than that, for it’s a rejection of the overly and unhealthily feminized self-image of gay men that has dominated our lives for generations”
“A sexy act between two men that involves them being naked, and rubbing their penises together. It can involve one’s hand, trying to bring the two together for pleasure, but isn’t always a necessity in the act.”  OR

Frottage, also known as dry humping, is sex without penetration where both partners rub or grind on each other to achieve an orgasm. This can be done either clothed or unclothed and can be achieved genital to genital or genital to other body parts. Frottage can be used as foreplay before anal sex or as the primary means of intimacy.

The highlighted description above is my favourite. 🙂

So now we know what frottage is, but why don’t we read more about it in M/M romances? These books are about gay men who in RL practice frotting a lot. Is the absence of frotting due to not enough authors knowing about it? I think it’s pretty hot and sensuous whenever I read about it, and I’ve always wondered why there isn’t more frotting in M/M.

Why am I writing about frotting today? Because TJ, one of the guest reviewers who is a very cool gay dude, said this in a recent review of Out of Bounds by Viki Lyn:

Alone in the fields, Ti makes a move on Chandler and they end up frotting. (Boy, I love a good frot! And it was pretty sexy to read about. Why isn’t there more frottage in m/m books?) Sorry, back to the review – I got distracted by the hot men rubbing off.

Tj went on to plead:

 As for frottage, please sir may I have more? It’s a sadly under represented practice that I think most men have enjoyed at some point.

If TJ got excited reading about it, imagine how excited he gets practicing it.  🙂 Other readers, gay and straight, male or female, would probably react the same way authors.

Buda, another male reviewer on the site (he asked me not to tell you his sexual orientation because it’s a big sekkrit, but I will say that his SO’s name is Bruce and he has a goatee)  🙂  emailed me about another book that also had a bit of frotting. Here’s what he said:

“…. it’s hot as all hell. In fact I just read a novella where the guys get all distracted by each other as they’re walking down the street, duck into an alley and whoo-baby!  🙂  (I just checked–it was “Get What You Need” by Janey Chapel where the guys ducked into an alleyway because they couldn’t wait) . Oh! And Yay for hot frot! 🙂

 So it seems that guys really get off on this stuff, going by Buda’s reaction, because it got him going – not that he needs much, apparently. I wonder if there is an alleyway near his house. 🙂  He also reminded me that there might have been a bit of frottage in A Dangerous Thing, book 2 in the Adrien English Mysteries. (He probably re-reads certain sections of the book to satisfy his kink.) LOL

I did a bit of research – you know how I love research – and although most of the pictures could not be posted because they are way too raunchy!! here are a few comments from various sites:

Frot to me is more akin to making love. Kissing, holding, rubbing, caressing, muscle/body worship, erotic wrestling. True intimacy.

Full body grinding is the hottest. Lips2lips, chest2chest, nipples2nipples, cock2cock, and balls2balls.

I love kissing and frottage … in underwear (esp tidy whities),
in jeans, or in the nude. i also hump mattresses, LOL
so yah, grinding is the best!

I love grinding, man to man, cock to cock, balls to balls. love lots of kissing and foreplay, undressing each other, hands and lips everywhere, then full body contact and rubbing and grinding together in underwear or gear, pouch to pouch, then finally totally naked full body grinding and humping, ………

Now I’m getting hot. 🙂

So authors, why don’t you write more frottage in your M/M romances to spice things up? Anal and oral sex, great as they are,  sometimes need a bit more excitement under the sheets or on top of them.



I live in Canada and I love big dogs, music, movies, reading and sports – especially baseball


  • Hi Lee
    Thanks for chiming in the discussion. LOL

    What we need is someone who can do a little etymological research in French.

    the only person I can think of is MaryM but I have no idea of what her time is like. I’m sure this is the type of “research” that she would love. LOL

    • Hi! I’ve been dealing with a new puppy along with other things, and haven’t had much time to visit blogs. I don’t remember a pup being this much work, but it’s been 18 years or so.

      If someone’s got access to the online Oxford English Dictionary, that might have something. My Webster’s Unabridged has a definition but not a date, and even English Through the Ages failed me on this one–not too surprising for a French word.

      I’m guessing that since there would not have been any penetration or even (necessarily) skin-to-skin contact, this would have been counted as “unclean behavior” rather than sodomy… sort of the way “straight” men on the down-low don’t count their encounters as “gay sex” because they aren’t penetrated. Humans have a remarkable ability to rationalize, and I’m sure a lot went on that nobody wrote home about.

      • Congratulations on the puppy Lee. Haven’t had one since my last dog Jesse who was a puppy about 20 years ago. 🙂 I’ll see if there’s something in the Oxford Dictionary if I can find one. Thanks for the suggestion Lee and don’t be a stranger.

  • Etymology… I have no idea whether it was a common term in English, but since it means ‘rubbing’ in French and most upper-class Englishmen were taught some French as a matter of course, AND since my character fancies himself a man of the world and probably frequented high-class brothels on both sides of the Channel… I thought it was a reasonable extrapolation. The sexual use (as opposed to rubbing inscriptions fromtombstones) came into English officially in 1933 according to the online etymology dictionary, but guys who did it were called “frotteurs” in print in 1892,

    so I have to guess that the word was in use for quite awhile previous… though probably not in print in books produced for a general readership–private printing, more likely–and I’m willing to bet that the word was used with that meaning in French for a long time before that. (How long has “soixtante-neuf” been in use?)

    What we need is someone who can do a little etymological research in French.

    As for the practice… I suspect that has been going on since long before any language.

  • I love frottage scenes, they have a delicious sense of urgency… hand jobs too. Don’t get me wrong, sucking and fucking are great, but frottage just rubs me the right way! 😉

  • Having just re-read the Adrien English series I can tell you Josh does a lot of frottage type scenes.

    The first sex scene in Crossing Borders by ZAM is also frottage.
    Wave, your fav, The Assignment has frottage too.

    I do love it, it can express the urgency and need so much more then full blown anal.

    • Ingrid
      Looks like I have a lot of re-reading to do. Now I have to list all of these books so that readers know where to look for their favourite frottage scenes.

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