I decided this year that I would host a virtual New Year’s Eve party and invite all of our wonderful readers here at Gay Book Reviews to attend. Since I didn’t win the big lottery on Christmas Eve, I can’t afford to fly you all to Las Vegas, Hawaii, Paris or somewhere equally exotic, but I can host a virtual party you can attend from the comfort of your computer chair. I apologise for the last minute notice, but being virtual, shopping for an outfit is really not necessary.
The only condition for attendance is you must bring your fave m/m couple (or trio) from 2010 to the party with you and tell us who will be escorting you to the big event. So come on inside and I’ll tell you all about the entertainment and refreshments.
Entertainment: Since this is a virtual party and I have virtual money to pay a virtual live musical group, I have arranged for Johnnie and the boys from Jet Mykles’ Heaven Sent to play for us. You will have the chance to mingle with the adorable hotties and the special men in their life after their performance.
Dress Code: Of course since I’m a classy broad and this IS a special occasion, I ‘ll expect everyone in formal dress. Make sure your guys are dressed appropriately in tuxedos and cocktail dresses for the ladies (which in the virtual world can be worn under or over pjs and robes in front of the computer).
If you like your drinks to go down smooth and creamy, try the Cocksucking Cowboy. What is it about a man in chaps? This blend of equal parts Bailey’s, butterscotch schnapps and Southern Comfort, will have you yelling “yeeee-HAW!”
If a martini is more your style, then perhaps the Slippery Hole is for you. Equal parts lemon rum, and citron vodka that you’d think would make you pucker. But, in fact, it’s the perfect lube for your, uh, throat.
Looking for less commitment but more lust? The One Night Stand — is a three-way that blends equal parts blueberry vodka, lychee liqueur and sour raspberry and is topped with sweet foamy Heavenly Head that you’ll want to swallow, not spit. Yummy.
And finally if you like your Sex on the Beach but without the sand in uncomfortable places, then you can try my recipe of 1 1/2 oz vodka, 1/2 oz peach schnapps, 2 oz cranberry juice and 2 oz orange juice, topped with an umbrella or some other foofy topper will be perfect accompaniment to the evening.
Snacks: Of course a good virtual hostess doesn’t ply her virtual guests with alcohol without provide suitable snacks to acommpany them. However no Chex party mix and peanuts for my guests. No, we have delicious soft pretzel wrapped weenies and more. Have you ever had spotted dick? Me neither but I’m sure a small dose of penicillin can clear it right up. And if sweets are your preference, we have cupcakes and chocolate covered bananas. And for the big finale, at midnight we will cut the cake. Some parties have a New Year baby to ring in the New Year, but we’re going even further back, our baby is merely a little sperm getting his start in life in our penis cake pièce de résistence.
I hope that you will be able to join me at my virtual party and that you enjoy my refreshments and entertainment. Please RSVP below with your escorts for the event. I will have Oliver Duncan and Ned Surwicki from KZ Snow’s Electric Melty Tingles. They’ve got many years under their belt and can show some of the young lovers at the party that love can last long enough to make a truly happy ever after.
Wishing everyone a happy and healthy 2011 filled with much personal and professional success.