Bi-Curious?

The photos that accompany this post are of guys I think are hot and I couldn’t find a reason not to include them – believe me, I tried. As far as I know they are not bi-curious although some of you probably wish they were. 😆

This post is partly fun and a little bit serious but it’s not about using someone else to find out if you’re gay, bi or hetero. This is simply a discussion about sexual curiosity so please, no morality lectures. 🙁

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a joint post with Damon Suede called Gay For You or Out For You. So many of you commented and there was such a lively discussion I decided to go one step further (or backward) 🙂 and talk about bi-curiosity, because a lot of straight people seem to be bi-curious.

How do you know if you’re bi-curious? I guess it’s like dipping your toe in the sexual waters to find out if you can swim upstream.  😀 😯 To put it another way, this is when you sample the chocolate mousse when you’re on a diet. Another way of explaining it in food terms – it’s like biting into a small piece of steak even though you’re a vegetarian. Hopefully you can come away from the experience without gaining any weight or feeling guilty. :blush: It could mean that you’re just questioning your sexuality and when/if you satisfy the urge to check out the grass on the other side you go back to your old life as a hetero. Others may love the experiment so much they decide they are really bisexual or gay.

Apparently some straight people (men AND women) want to find out what it’s like to have sex with someone of their own gender, and a many of them are courageous enough to admit they like to be touched “down there” by a member of their own sex. :scared:

I had never heard the term “bi-curious” until I started reading a lot of gay romances a long time ago. I did a bit of research for this post but there was hardly any mention of this topic until much more recently – maybe over the past 8 – 10 years (your research might vary).

One site traced bi-curiosity among men to the metrosexual trend several years ago which made it cool for straight guys to look just as hot clothed as their gay counterparts. I’m not sure if  straight men ever achieved the suave, cool, sophisticated, “put together without any effort” look of gay guys. You may remember those glory days, but alas I think they went the way of the do do bird.

Some men apparently traced their bi-curiosity to wanting to feel what it was like to go down on a man or have a man give them a blow job. Since guys know exactly what gives them the most pleasure in a b.j. and know how they want it done, straight men figure it would be hotter to do it with another man than with a woman. Do men really give better head? I guess straight men want to find out whether they have been short changed or missing out on something their gay brothers have down to an art form. 🙂 One essay that I read suggested that men are more curious about giving oral sex and receiving anal. Who knew?

Many men do not pursue their bi-curiosity because they’re scared of what they’ll find out about themselves once they cross that line, as that would definitely be pushing their heterosexual boundaries and remove plausible deniability. However some braver souls do go all the way, and I mean ALL THE WAY.

Some surveys suggest that so called straight people who are really gay play down their interest in the “wrong” sex by pretending to be bi-curious because this way they can stay in the closet forever. Others may be genuinely unsure about their sexuality and figure that this is a way to find out if they really prefer to play on the same side of the pool long term, or if it’s just a phase.

So have you ever been bi-curious? If so, have you pursued that curiosity and have you been rejected or welcomed with open arms or legs?  😆 Bi-curiosity is not as far fetched as you may think and it’s not restricted to randy teenagers. Apparently adults are jumping on the bi-curious bandwagon now that more people are self-identifying as being gay or bi-sexual.

I asked author L.A. Witt to talk about her experience with bi-curiosity as a follow-up to her comment on the original post about Gay For You Or Out For You, and here’s what she said:

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My Experiences with Bi-Curiosity by L.A. Witt

Up until I was in my early twenties I didn’t understand bisexuality. I didn’t realize that it wasn’t actually required for someone to either be straight or gay. There was middle ground. There were people who didn’t just lean one way or the other.

That said, I considered myself 100% heterosexual. Understanding bisexuality or not, I was simply not attracted to my own gender.  Boys were just fine with me. I certainly thought women were beautiful, but…not like that.

The switch flipped when I was 23. It wasn’t an inkling that had been in the back of my mind for a while, or some inevitable thing that everyone was aware of except me. I didn’t get the occasional “wow, why am I looking at her like that?” thought.  Women simply didn’t do anything for me until that point.

When I say the switch flipped, I’m not kidding. I remember the girl, the place, the date, everything. It was literally a single, defining moment that opened my eyes, dropped me  on my butt, and made me say, “OMG. GIRLS.”  No, I won’t go into detail about it, but take me at my word: One girl, one moment, and…wow. Yeah. Color me bi-curious.

To say it was jarring would be quite the understatement. There’s nothing quite like being an adult—a married one, no less—and suddenly having to redefine your sexuality. Especially in a culture that worships labels, defines people by their sexuality, and needs to organize everyone into neat, tidy little categories, it’s unsettling to call such a significant part of your identity into question.  We’re all supposed to figure this out as teenagers, right?  I mean, who makes it past the teenage years without definitively figuring out which gender(s) attract them?

But there I was, 23 and getting weak in the knees over a woman for the first time.  And then other women. Even some women I’d known for years and never thought twice about. My attraction to men didn’t diminish in the slightest, but once that switch was flipped, no amount of denial changed the fact that I was, without a doubt, attracted to women.

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I have no idea what percentage of men or women take their bi-curiosity to it’s ultimate conclusion, so I’m enclosing a poll (that is anonymous) which might help in determining how many of the bloggers who drop by this site really act on their bi-curiosity and if so, how far they’re willing to go:

P.S. I hope you liked the guys. 🙂

 

Did you consider yourself bi-curious at some point or another in your life?

  • Yes (61%, 43 Votes)
  • No (39%, 27 Votes)

Total Voters: 70

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If yes, have you ever acted on your bi-curiosity?

  • Yes (42%, 20 Votes)
  • No (58%, 28 Votes)

Total Voters: 48

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If yes, what sexual adventures have you had?

  • Same sex kissing? (38%, 9 Votes)
  • Same sex genital touching? (25%, 6 Votes)
  • Oral? (29%, 7 Votes)
  • Anal? (8%, 2 Votes)

Total Voters: 24

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Was it good for you?

  • Yes (82%, 18 Votes)
  • No (18%, 4 Votes)

Total Voters: 22

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If it was good did you ever consider doing it again?

  • Yes (84%, 16 Votes)
  • No (16%, 3 Votes)

Total Voters: 19

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Your sex?

  • Female (91%, 62 Votes)
  • Male (9%, 6 Votes)

Total Voters: 68

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Author

I live in Canada and I love big dogs, music, movies, reading and sports – especially baseball

38 comments

  • Feliz, I love that line “I fell in love with a person….” To me, that sums up so much in relationships in whole. I fimly believe that you can’t help who you fall in love/lust with.

    I’m as straight as the high heel shoe on my foot, never even thought about another women in that way, so I’m a a straight shooter.

    Wave, what does gender fluid mean?

    Reply
    • In simple terms “gender fluid” means you wake up one day as a man and the next day or days as a woman. Here’s my question and Rowan’s response during our interview:

      Me: “You identify as gender fluid which means, in its simplest form, that you’re partly female and partly male. In your case I believe you said that you were male most of the time. Without going into too much detail can you explain how this works? Are you a transsexual? How did you figure this out before you knew what gender fluid was?”

      Rowan: “For me, gender is a spectrum. While I don’t fully identify as male OR female, for the most part I hang out on the masculine side of that spectrum. But I do flow back and forth, which is where the term “fluid” comes in. I don’t have a choice on how I feel any given day, but I’m past the point where I try to suppress the feminine in favor of the masculine and vice versa.

      I don’t identify as a transsexual person. It is my understanding that a transsexual person’s gender does not match their body at all, so they have made or are planning to make a permanent transition into the body they should have been born with. My gender is fluid so this isn’t a viable solution for me.

      For most of my life I tried to fit the binary. Boys are boys. Girls are girls. I turned a part of myself off and focused on being what everyone wanted me to be. I was an honor student all through elementary and most of high school. I fell asleep during my SAT and still got accepted into many colleges. I learned how to do logic problems the night before my LSAT and got into law school without any trouble. When I look back on things, I know I tried to sabotage myself in dozens of little ways and just couldn’t quite pull it off.

      Finally I got sick enough to land me an extended stay in the hospital and, wow, it was the first time in years I had a chance to breathe. I took the time trying to figure out what I wanted and what I liked, and realized I didn’t know myself very well at all. Somewhere in that whole process I was telling someone close to me that, hey, I liked being a man and I liked being a woman. Is that weird? It was the first time I’d said it out loud.

      After a little more talking, that person asked me which I’d rather be. I blinked and realized I couldn’t choose and, more importantly, why did I have to? I remember being pissed off at the world for a while.

      But, yeah, I suppose that was when I figured it out before I knew what gender fluid was. ”

      More people are gender fluid than you probably believe. 🙂

      Reply
  • Up until my mid-twenties, I thought of myself as a lesbian. I pictured myself living with a woman, lost my best childhood (female) friend when I came out to her, compelled brave, nolens-volens acceptance from my parents (…”as long as you’re happy…”) and had my heart broken by my first big love, a woman twenty years older than I. That was until I met my man. Unlike what Josephine described, for me it wasn’t an epiphany; he wooed me for months without me even realizing it. (I was a lesbian, remember? How could I be interested in a man?) Eventually, he somehow wormed his way into my heart with…everything he was. We’ve been together for eighteen years now, and although I still like to look at women, that’s all I do these days: look. And so does he. It’s actually fun checking out girls together… :blush: :censorship:
    No, I don’t want to cater to the old legend that lesbians only need the right guy to turn straight. It’s just what it was like for me – I fell in love with a person who just happened to be a man.

    Reply
    • Feliz

      No, I don’t want to cater to the old legend that lesbians only need the right guy to turn straight

      Your story is similar, yet dissimilar to LeslieS’s. He fell in love with someone of the same sex and gender didn’t matter. In your case you went from being a lesbian to falling in love with a man who captured your heart. Which proves that whoever we are, I guess love sometimes overcomes the most rigid barriers.

      BTW we all suffer heartbreak but most of us somehow manage to overcome it and move on, like you did.

      Isn’t it fun to ogle both men and women? 😆

      Reply
    • “”We’ve been together for eighteen years now, and although I still like to look at women, that’s all I do these days: look. And so does he. It’s actually fun checking out girls together…””

      lol My husband and I do a lot of girl-watching together too. It’s fun. 😀

      Reply

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