Jaye’s Twitter-Sized Movie Blurbs, or Why Reno Writes Our Book Blurbs and Not Jaye: The Halloween Edition

Welcome, baseball fans/scary movie buffs!

Anyone who followed this past Boston Red Sox baseball season will understand the correlation. For those who don’t know/don’t care—it was ugly, brutal and bloody, but there’s always next year. We in the Northeast are nothing if not hopeful for the future.

Blocking out any thoughts of baseball for the time being, here is my Top 13 Scariest Movies In The History Of Ever List, presented to you in no particular order of scariness, in one-dimensional blurbs that would’ve no doubt doomed these films to failure upon release. I would have posted trailer videos to accompany these blurbs, but that would be cheating.  🙂

This, my friends, should sufficiently demonstrate why Reno writes our book blurbs and I don’t.  😮

If this isn't scary, I don't know what is . . . .

Feel free to shout out the film titles, and please do add movies that scared you but don’t appear on the list. I scare easily :ahhh:  (who knew?), so this list certainly isn’t conclusive. Everyone who comments to this and our other posts this weekend will be entered into a drawing to win one of two sets of our entire paranormal backlist (PDF format). There’s also a StarCrossed coffee mug up for grabs, so a total of three prizes.

And now, the Twitter-sized (140 characters) movie blurbs :strike: <—- (in lieu of a drum roll) . . . .

 

1.  Scary alien abduction movie based on a true story that proves actor Robert Patrick is a whole lot cuter with long hair covering his ears.

2.  While Thomas Jane + tight T-shirt = reason enough for me to watch a movie, this “foggy” Stephen King adaptation truly scared me.

3.  I’m not sure what was scarier: the original movie, or Jason Mewes emulating the “nipple dance” from it in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

4.  A human head licking his chops on the body of a dog fucked me up for life, and Donald Sutherland is always sort of creepy anyway.

5. Losing a child in a television set is scary business, but having antique jewelry fall out of the living room ceiling would be pretty cool.

6.  Long before Sigourney Weaver wore a Wonder Bra in Galaxy Quest, John Hurt spilled his guts all over the Nostromo’s dining table.

7.  Near its 40th anniversary, this demon possession film proves sound effects and great pacing are as scary as visuals. La plume de ma tante!

8.  I’ve seen the Spielberg movie a bazillion times. Now, I live on Cape Cod. Ain’t no fucking way I’m getting in the water.

9.  A severed human head grows Alaskan King Crab legs and skitters across the floor. Any questions?

10.  I’m torn on what’s scariest about this flick: demonic pregnancy, Vidal Sassoon running with scissors, or Mia Farrow singing. Tough call.

11.  Understated film features cute young guy (a plus) battles with his religious vocation (++) and is mentored by Anthony Hopkins. Way creepy.

12.  Birds. Everywhere. Millions of them. OMFG.

13.  Jeff Goldblum had B-O-D-Y in the mid-1980s, did he not? But ears falling off, teeth falling out, and spiny back hairs? Not so much.

 

Have a happy and safe Halloween tomorrow, everyone!  :kiss:

–Jaye

35 comments

  • I don’t watch scary movies because the slightest bit of horror (especially visually) will keep me awake for days. My brain knows it’s not real, but my survival instincts are a little too well-honed.

    But if you want to see an absolutely awful-good-bad horror movie, watch “Sleepaway Camp”. Bonus: It has a gay couple in it!

    I’m going to go read something happy now to wipe away those memories…

    Reply
  • I had guests this weekend so I unfortunately couldn’t be online, but I’m glad you all enjoyed my silly blurbs.

    Here’s the official list of correct answers:

    1. Fire in the Sky
    2. The Mist
    3. The Silence of the Lambs
    4. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
    5. Poltergeist
    6. Alien
    7. The Exorcist
    8. Jaws
    9. The Thing (1982)
    10. Rosemary’s Baby
    11. The Rite
    12. The Birds
    13. The Fly (1986)

    Reply
  • Aw, do we have to get them all right to win the prize? I guess I”m out for sure.

    #4: Invasion of the Body Snatchers
    #5: Poltergeist
    6: Alien
    7: The Exorcist?
    10: Rosemary’s Baby
    12: The Birds
    13: The Fly

    (What, no Damien, no prom queen? Sissy Spacek is judging you. 😉

    Reply
  • My votes go to Deliverance, not so much for the scary as the utterly disturbing and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 😛 .

    Reply
  • #1 – Fire In The Sky
    #2 – The Mist
    #3 – ??? (no clue)
    #4 – Terror In The Crypt (I’m guessing ???)
    #5 – Poltergeist
    #6 – The Ghoul (another guess ???)
    #7 – The Exorcist
    #8 – Jaws
    #9 – The Thing
    #10 – Rosemary’s Baby
    #11 – The Rite
    #12 – The Birds
    #13 – The Fly

    Reply
  • Sadly, I am a total dunce when it comes to movies LOL They sound like great scary movies if that makes a difference!

    7 – is that the exorcist?
    8 – jaws?
    10 – rosemary’s baby?
    12 – the birds?

    Reply
  • I dont do scary movies.
    I remember the “Birds” movie, scared the bejesus out of me.
    Why isnt Wizard of the Oz on this list? Seriously!! The damn flying monkey creatures and the infamous “I’m gonna get you my pretty, and your little dog too!!” Damn spooky ass witch.
    See…I dont do scary movies.

    Reply

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