Jaye’s Twitter-Sized Movie Blurbs, or Why Reno Writes Our Book Blurbs and Not Jaye: The Halloween Edition

Welcome, baseball fans/scary movie buffs!

Anyone who followed this past Boston Red Sox baseball season will understand the correlation. For those who don’t know/don’t care—it was ugly, brutal and bloody, but there’s always next year. We in the Northeast are nothing if not hopeful for the future.

Blocking out any thoughts of baseball for the time being, here is my Top 13 Scariest Movies In The History Of Ever List, presented to you in no particular order of scariness, in one-dimensional blurbs that would’ve no doubt doomed these films to failure upon release. I would have posted trailer videos to accompany these blurbs, but that would be cheating.  🙂

This, my friends, should sufficiently demonstrate why Reno writes our book blurbs and I don’t.  😮

If this isn't scary, I don't know what is . . . .

Feel free to shout out the film titles, and please do add movies that scared you but don’t appear on the list. I scare easily :ahhh:  (who knew?), so this list certainly isn’t conclusive. Everyone who comments to this and our other posts this weekend will be entered into a drawing to win one of two sets of our entire paranormal backlist (PDF format). There’s also a StarCrossed coffee mug up for grabs, so a total of three prizes.

And now, the Twitter-sized (140 characters) movie blurbs :strike: <—- (in lieu of a drum roll) . . . .

 

1.  Scary alien abduction movie based on a true story that proves actor Robert Patrick is a whole lot cuter with long hair covering his ears.

2.  While Thomas Jane + tight T-shirt = reason enough for me to watch a movie, this “foggy” Stephen King adaptation truly scared me.

3.  I’m not sure what was scarier: the original movie, or Jason Mewes emulating the “nipple dance” from it in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

4.  A human head licking his chops on the body of a dog fucked me up for life, and Donald Sutherland is always sort of creepy anyway.

5. Losing a child in a television set is scary business, but having antique jewelry fall out of the living room ceiling would be pretty cool.

6.  Long before Sigourney Weaver wore a Wonder Bra in Galaxy Quest, John Hurt spilled his guts all over the Nostromo’s dining table.

7.  Near its 40th anniversary, this demon possession film proves sound effects and great pacing are as scary as visuals. La plume de ma tante!

8.  I’ve seen the Spielberg movie a bazillion times. Now, I live on Cape Cod. Ain’t no fucking way I’m getting in the water.

9.  A severed human head grows Alaskan King Crab legs and skitters across the floor. Any questions?

10.  I’m torn on what’s scariest about this flick: demonic pregnancy, Vidal Sassoon running with scissors, or Mia Farrow singing. Tough call.

11.  Understated film features cute young guy (a plus) battles with his religious vocation (++) and is mentored by Anthony Hopkins. Way creepy.

12.  Birds. Everywhere. Millions of them. OMFG.

13.  Jeff Goldblum had B-O-D-Y in the mid-1980s, did he not? But ears falling off, teeth falling out, and spiny back hairs? Not so much.

 

Have a happy and safe Halloween tomorrow, everyone!  :kiss:

–Jaye

35 comments

  • Alien and Aliens have left a lasting impression on me. Watched both and the next morning went into work to turn the lights on. NOT the best time for water to drip on your neck when you have images of acid-spit in your head.

    I don’t know what 9 is… And I don’t want to know. Last thing I need is to be afraid of crabs. I LIKE seafood, dang it!

    Wonderful post guys. ^_^

    Reply
  • Apparently, guessing movie titles isn’t my thing. I’m only sure I got The Birds right 😉 but Alien, Silence of the Lambs and Jaws seem to be hiding there as well 😀
    I guess it’s obvious I’m not a big horror fan. I think watching It when I was a kid scarred me for life

    Reply
  • LOL! Apparently I’m not a big horror movie fan as I only recognized a few of these but I still enjoyed the blurbs 🙂 One of my fave horror films is Wes Craven’s They. The Ring scared the pants off me and I can never watch it again!

    Reply
  • Watching Jaws is a must while on a beach vacation, love that movie … always on the look-out for the triangle fin :-).

    Just watched the Exorcist last night, great movie. Exorcism of Emily Rose is also a good flick to watch on Halloween :diablogrin:

    Reply
  • I’m not a scary movie fan at all and rarely watch them. They freak me out way to much. I’ve seen Jaws and the Birds, and parts of Alien and the Fly. I only watched the Fly to see Jeff Goldblum without a shirt 🙂 I had such a crush on him after Independence Day.

    ‘It’ (with the clown) scared the crap out of me, probably because I was 8. And while it’s more suspenseful than scary, I think I watched the remake of When a Strange Calls with my eyes covered :blush:

    Reply
  • Okay–the same dear friend who I failed to get ear plugs from after he took me gay bar hopping took me to see Alien–fucking crawled into his lap and then beat on him the entire way through the movie–scariest damn thing I ever saw! Same damn gay friend then came back to my dorm room to spend the night on my floor (illegally, of course–this was still in the stone ages when guys and girls had to hide to have sex and gays were simply unheard of) before going back to his college. During the night the wonderful SOB crawled up into my bed just to scare the shit out of me! It’s okay though cause I managed to snap a picture of him in makeup and a dress not too long after that and posted it to all our friends–yes–he’s one of those Dom kind of gays–so the dress and pretty, pretty face–yeah–that sucked for him=:)

    Reply
    • I saw Alien the first time on the big screen, and I mean the BIG screen, IMAX, over 25 years ago (I think – hard to remember that far back) at Ontario Place. We’re very proud that IMAX was invented by a Canadian but all I felt that day was being scared shitless. 😯 Can you imagine how Alien looked on that screen? 😮

      Your friend sounds like a riot and that was a very bad thing you did to him but well deserved. 😀

      Reply
  • Oh, dear, Fire in the Sky… *shudders*
    That abduction scene scared me for the rest of my life. *shudders*

    Funny, another movie that scared me for good also had sci-fi flavor – Event Horizon. I didn’t hear about this movie at the time. One night, when I wasn’t able to fall asleep, I naively sat in front of my TV to watch something the trekkie in me would love, something that will help me sleep. That… didn’t work so well.

    On the fun side, I can watch Carpenter’s movies, especially The Fog and The Thing, gazillion times and never get bored. And, of course, Silence of the Lambs – sometimes just to hear Hopkins say the famous “fava beans and a nice chianti” line. 😀

    Reply
    • God, I remember hating Event Horizon as I watched it. Unlike Aliens, I think it tried too hard to be horror, and that made it bad camp to me. Sorta scary, but more gross than anything else.

      Reply
    • Oh, dear, Fire in the Sky… *shudders*
      That abduction scene scared me for the rest of my life. *shudders*

      I know! That scene was really messed up. You don’t see Fire in the Sky appear on “scariest movies” lists too often, and I think it’s highly underrated.

      Reply
  • This just makes me realize how much I miss scary movies! My DH refuses to watch anything remotely scary. :grumble:

    I have a cool connection to The Exorcist. In high school, the director of our musicals, was a Jesuit priest that played Father Dyer in the movie.

    Jaye – Personally the Red Sox implosion was a joy to watch as a Yankee fan. LOL! Although I stopped laughing after the Yanks crashed and burned. 😥

    Reply
    • Personally the Red Sox implosion was a joy to watch as a Yankee fan. LOL! Although I stopped laughing after the Yanks crashed and burned

      As a Toronto Blue Jays fan :nuts: I could say that I’m sorry your teams didn’t make it — I could say so, but I would be lying. 😎 😆

      Reply
  • Hmmm…yeah…I’m not good at the guessing games.

    See…The Stand scared me. Movie AND book because…well..it could SO happen. lol I think those are the scariest movies for me.

    An Eye for an Eye…Sally Fields on the phone while her daughter is having VERY bad things done to her and she can’t do anything. OMG–scary and ripped my heart out and stomped on it for good measure. lol

    Traditional scary movies can scare me some…but the human factor or the ones that might be able to really happen…freak me out! 😮

    Reply
    • See…The Stand scared me. Movie AND book because…well..it could SO happen. lol I think those are the scariest movies for me.

      See, that’s how I feel about Aliens. I saw the first chest-popping scene when I was 11, and I couldn’t watch that movie again until college. I truly believe we don’t know what else is in this universe, but we cannot be the only things that crawled out of the primordial ooze. I just can’t believe that.

      And I don’t know why, but the little creepy wall troll that steals people’s breath in Stephen King’s Cat’s Eye movie seriously creeped me out when I was little. =)

      Reply
  • Oh, I don’t know, Jaye, some of those blurbs were pretty good. I am particularly fond of Birds. Everywhere. Millions of them. OMFG.

    Reply

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