Forgive me if I seem less than patriotic! Sorry—I’m in a bit of a grumpy mood. You see, I was supposed to be spending the Fourth of July in Pittsburgh. I was supposed to be visiting my dear friends, Rick and Freddie and watching remarkably fit gay men in Speedos lounging around the pool. By this time, I most assuredly would have had some type of refreshment in one hand and a camera in the other. (uhm…gay men…Speedos…camera…please, need I say more?)
That’s right, supposed too…instead I am on my sofa with my foot in a gigantor cast, streaming porn…er…pay per view. So, I know you’re all wondering what reaction Rick and Freddie had when I told them I would be missing our annual get together. Well, as usual, it was warm and loving.
Me: Hi sweetie. Listen I know you’re going to be devastated but I had foot surgery and I’m not going to be able to travel to your place for the Fourth this year. I know you’re just heartbrok…
Rick: Oh thank god!! Freddie, “Handsy McGee” isn’t coming this year—you can tell the guys it’s safe to wear their Speedos again!
Freddie: Sammy’s not coming?
Me: Hello Freddie dear, I know you’re disappointed that I…
Freddie: Right, have to go—you take care now.
Me: But you’ll still take pictures for me won’t…
Rick: Dear Lord, this is the best news since the repeal of DOMA! Ok, its safe to invite everybody now—let’s get on the phone and get this party started!
I could hear the sadness and concern for my well being oozing through the phone line as my bestie and his partner high-fived and giggled their goodbyes.
So, since I am laid up this Fourth, I need to hear lots and lots of stories about what you’re going to be doing this holiday. I fully intend to live vicariously through your picnics, fireworks, chowing down on carcinogenic meat products—the works!!
So spill it folks—I’m waiting with bated breath! Uhm…also, if you happen to be wearing a Speedo, pictures are welcome and encouraged.