A guest review by Leslie
Adult film superstar Aiden Shaw follows up his bestselling memoir, My Undoing, with the third novel in a gritty and stimulating trilogy of sexual excess (following Boundaries and Brutal: Uncut). Set in the hedonistic London clubs so vividly characterized in his previous novels, and reintroducing David, Joe, Ryan and the disturbed Flora, Wasted brings the trilogy to a rousing and unexpected climax.
NB: This review is based only on a sample of the book. I haven’t read the whole thing. But even so, I think it is accurate. If someone—anyone—out there disagrees, please let me know.
I can give you a three word review: Oh. My. God. Do you want me to elaborate? Okay, I shall.
The story opens with David and Ryan having an interaction in a living room. Since it takes awhile to figure out who is who, it also takes awhile to figure out whose living room we are in—but eventually, I think, it is David’s (not entirely sure on that, though). Anyway, David and Ryan seem to have the hots for each other but there are some obstacles in their way, namely 1) David has a boyfriend named Joe; 2) Ryan is only 16; and 3) Ryan is David’s nephew. But, hey, obstacles are meant to be overcome and off we go and after a few descriptions of Ryan’s “slim waist,” “smooth hairless suntanned skin,” and “striking hazel eyes,” we are off and running.
David wants to seduce Ryan and does this by doing very sexy things like gulping beer and burping. But no matter, Ryan obviously thinks this is hot and responds by massaging David’s feet.
Before things can get really going, we need to have an interior decorating interlude, in which all furnishings are carefully described, including the “faecal-brown” walls (fecal for those of us in the US). Walls the color of excrement are sexy? Um, okay.
The action moves back to the couch where David and Ryan’s inane conversation continues, with some dalliance about age. While it has been established that Ryan is 16, David may be any age ranging from 30 to 50. This is when my squick factor kicked into high gear….a 50 year old man seducing his 16 year old nephew? Ew.
Ryan clearly has none of the issues I have. He plonks onto his uncle’s body and then another inane conversation begins with a lengthy discussion about the London tube. But even with the not-so-sexy conversation, they manage to wrestle and maneuver and declare love to each other and cuddle and kiss when suddenly, Ryan announces he has this really hot sexy girlfriend named Leila who is a model!
Leila is described as being six feet tall, kooky, a model, she’s gorgeous, compelling, even though her face is average. She has a manner that sets her apart from her ‘pears.’ (Yes, that is what is printed in the book. As Dave Barry says, I am not making this up!). She can walk down the runway drinking whiskey from a bottle and lifting her skirt to show her ho-ho, but because she is such a fabulous model (never mind the average face) she is invited back year after year.
And she dates a 16 year old kid.
Whose uncle wants to have sex with him.
Is anyone here shaking their head yet? If not, let me continue.
We learn more about the fabulous Leila. In addition to pulling up her skirt in any random place, she loves to go into restaurants, sit down at a table with strangers and eye their food until they feel compelled to offer her some. Or, she’ll wait until they finish eating and then take their plates and using their dirty utensils, eat all their leftovers. And she gets away with this.
Leila and Ryan have such a close bond that they do things like shave their heads together and then dye their hair green (excuse me, I thought they were bald?). Leila needs to escape from ‘Manfester’ (again, not making this up!) and Ryan, David, and Joe are going to help her….wait, isn’t she a great success as a runway model in London? I thought she had escaped from Manfester already?
Just about when I thought my head would explode from trying to keep track of what is going on and who’s who, THANK GOD my Kindle sample ended and I could stop reading.
All this, in just a sample of the book. My heart aches for people who actually paid money for this crap and tried to read the whole thing.
The sample was riddled with typos, punctuation errors, misspellings and so on. It is unbelievable that this is an offering from a mainstream press. When I buy a book for $9.99—actually for any price—I expect a quality presentation and decent writing, not a steaming pile of crud.
My overall recommendation: stay away. Stay very far away. Do not get sucked in by the slightly sexy cover. There is nothing—nothing!—in this book that you want to read. Trust me. And I didn’t even read the whole thing.
Now I just need to go and sanitize my Kindle and find something good to read.